GChats that (Probably) Didn’t Happen at Work: Vol. 4


The following conversation took place in response to the beginning of NFL Free Agency. Because we’re a nation of football degenerates. 

you’re a cowboys fan right?

yes. sadly
we’ve sucked for a looooong time

ouch. what was the impetus behind the cowboys as opposed to [redacted] or [redacted]?

[redacted] and [redacted] are real big fans and they were really good when I was little
didn’t take a lot of convincing 
but it’s been terrible since I was 6

yeah. and unfortunately, it looks a little bleak right now as well

Idk. It’s dark, but we’ve literally had a play-in game for the playoffs the last three years
and it’s not like the Eagles/Giants/Redskins are going to get hella better
and our defense can only be as bad as it was last year
which is the worst argument for optimisim ever

it might be worse without DMW

we switched to a 4-3 so he was out of his element
I’m happy for him
dude deserves to be a part of a functioning franchise

true true.
its just kinda shitty and reflects so so poorly on the franchise when you can’t retain a player of his caliber…almost completely by your own doing

well it’s because we paid him so goddam much
and then paid everyone that much
and now we don’t have enough players
it’s like we’re playing Madden Dynasty mode except it’s real life

hahaha yeah, maybe JJ didn’t get the memo about the whole “salary cap” in this sports league

he’s Al Davis
but instead of all the owners hating him, they all love him
he’s never going to leave
we need a GM
and a new coach
and a defensive line
and a secondary
how pumped are you to have DMW comin after your boy Alex?
p.s. youre welcome

not at all pumped…though denver plays a 4-3 so it’ll be tougher for him as it was this past year
whatever though, broncos are obviously going to win our division again…then come 2016 will be irrelevant for the next 8 years because their cap will be so out of whack.
I think it would be a good year if we snagged a wild card spot again
suddenly, the AFC West is the 2nd best division in the nfl

would you say you’re drinking the andy reid kool aid?

oh absolutely…he’s the man
that gif never gets old
and that was a perfect pun

back to the issue at hand 
the AFC west is pretty good
I feel like Phil Rivers is going to win 6-9 games for the next 5 years
he’s Tony Romo
but with a Bolo tie

and 46 children

and the love and protection of our lord and savior jesus christ


I think that’s what he’s saying

at least you have Jamaal Charles 
after he survived getting crusched by his own teammate
the fuck was that guy thinking?

I’ll cut that guy a break, he was playing hard
I just hate having honest team doctors
the saints had 2 players concussed in their first playoff game, they put em back in, no reprecussions

“I’m totally fine with one of our dudes taking a potshot at our best player in a meaningless game, but I wish our doctors would lie about concussions”
the NFL in 2014!

I’m not sure what’s worse, having your team lose a play-in game, or watching your team squander a 28-point lead in the 3rd quarter of their playoff game and witness a generational loss.
I’m still not over our loss, so I’m going to go with my predicament.
worst part is that it was against Luck…

oh god

which just perpetuates his perfect narrative: “He lost his first playoff game, comes back the next year and finds his team down 28-points then somehow leads them back!!!”
gimme a break
what a neanderthal.
A (brilliant) neanderthal

with a Stanford degree
in architectural studies

yeah…he made some good passes against our wretched secondary that never switched up their scheme
I was hammered by the 4th quarter and 100% convinced that I could cover better than them
in my inebriation.
like probably the 5th circle of hell as far as sports tragedies go
people literally went crazy after that loss
there’s this whole conspiracy theory that these statues in front of KC’s museum are the root of all KC’s sports teams’ struggles

normal, sane people don’t blame losses on statues…fact.

Goodness.  Kansas City, like Cleveland, but without basketball